My mom has been falling on purpose to get attention and hurting herself and the doctor has told her the next time she falls shes going into the nursing home ,which means I have to get a job and uproot my children out of our home where we finally got to have for the past two years , I have been seeing about my mom thats why I haven't been working.
I think that you can sue just about anybody for just about anything, but that doesn't mean you'd win. How could you prove that she's "doing it on purpose"?
I take it that you moved your family into your mother's home a couple of years ago, and have been her caregiver. Is that right? And now that her doctor is suggesting that she needs more care than you can provide, you are worried you will have to move out and get a job to support your family. Hmmm ...
Have you looked into what it would take to get her into a nursing home? If she has no other assets besides the house, she will probably need to apply for Medicaid. I believe in most cases she does not have to give up the house, although after she dies Medicaid may have claims on it to repay what they have spent on her care. Whatever income she has coming in each month will probably need to go toward her room and board in the nursing home, with small allowance for personal expenses. So, yes, it does look like you'd have to make other arrangements for your own living expenses, but perhaps could continue to live in her house.
It is up to you, but instead of getting a lawyer to sue Mother, I think it would be a better investment to contact an Elder Law attorney to help set things up for if/when she needs to be cared for in a skilled nursing facility.
No job is guaranteed to be forever. Companies close. New managment wants to bring n their own people. Companies merge and downsize. In the case of caregivers, clients get better and don't need continued care, or they get worse and need more care, or they decide they'd prefer a different setting. Or they die. When you took on the job of caregiving Mother, with the job benefits of you and your children having a home and support, there was always the possibility that it wouldn't last forever.
Good luck to you as you work through what is best for Mother and how to support your family.
It is also a blessing that none of us has ever expected an inheritence. It keeps money out of the picture entirely.
Yes indeed, these discussion boards have been very educational.
As to the doctor, luvmom, it is hard for us to know whether he "threatened" the mother with a nursing home, or pointed out that if she continues to fall then apparently she isn't getting sufficient care where she is and may need a more supervised environment. Lordy, I hope the medical profession doesn't see long term care placement as a punishment!
maybe ur mother should sue you ? how would u feel about that ?
u dont sue a sick elders . you get old , u do fall , get her a walker
and save tons of money instead of blowing it al on laywers and heartaches .
she needs to spend the money she has on medical things for her .
dont take that away from her , u dont sue ur parents . xoxo
I don't think any of us need to scold this person, she is clearly under stress & is asking all of us for help! Help she needs, scolding she does not need. Maybe she just didn't know how to approach this subject!
Let's all try to help steer her in the right direction! Maybe mom just needs to be kept busy during the day, taking her to senior centers for craft classes, etc. Call your local senior centers! It would be interesting to see if she tries the same thing at the senior center or if she is kept so busy, maybe she wouldn't! Maybe even get her in some senior aerobic classes. All these things together wouldn't be expensive at all, as long as she has insurance for the mental help! There are also swimming aerobics for seniors at local health clubs, etc. Do you see where I am going with this????
I pray for you & sending a hug! Taking care of a able bodied senior is hard enough, but with one who is not stable, it is even more difficult!
Yes, medicaid will require that she sell her home and use the proceeds for her care. When that is gone, or 'spent down', then medicaid will pick up the tab for a nursing home. You can also use the proceeds for things like prepaid funeral arrangements, etc.
Bottom line is, Mom needs help, either medically or psychologically, and suing her at this point is more about you needing help than giving her the care she needs. My suggestion is for you to buy the house on contract, trading your skills for helping her each month as payment. If she agrees to this, then you can avoid a lot of the issues when it really is time to think about a nursing home. Get rid of your own insecurity about losing a home, and you'll be a better caregiver. I also suggest you get a counselor to help deal with your own resentment regarding your mother. I, too, have a difficult Mom, and it has led to depression and anxiety on my part, which leads to irrational responses to various situations. A year ago, I probably would have been on board with suing. lol I was so angry I was more of a danger to her than a help. She's in NH now, and things have gotten better as my stress level went down. We all have our limits.
Good luck. :)
The assumption that the daughter's "rights" to a home were more important than providing good care for her mother was wrong from my point of view. When you ask for advice, some of it may not be what you want to hear. That doesn't mean it shouldn't be said. Many of us offered numerous suggestions of using a walker, day care, social workers, and assessment evaluations for this elderly mom and where the priority should be.
If you would stoop so low as to sue your own mom is definitely wrong. The Bible says it is wrong to even sue another christian, much less your own mom.
yes, you should not be the one to be her caregiver. You are being very selfish. She is your MOM for better or worse. Sorry that is the way I feel. Get her another caregiver right away.
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