My husband who is 60 is bedridden and I am his "caregiver". I haven't had sex for 3 years now and it's really bothering me. He doesn't even bring the topic up, try to kiss me, (he could if he wanted), no holding hands, never wants to snuggle (I have asked), nothing. He is okay with it. I'm not. I want more than just kisses and snuggling however don't even get that. What is the healthy spouse to do? Sad, thinking I will never be loved in that way by a man again. I would love to hug a man, kiss, and you know.. I can't be the only one out there in the same situation. .
Another tried for years to discuss her needs, the lack of intimacy & his refusal for councelling (?depression). He eventually said do what you like & after much councelling, eventually she did (friend with benefits). Sadly the fallout broke the marriage.
Way back in history, for those with money, I suppose an attractive Footman, or even an acquaintance's husband was a little distraction - but left the marriage intact. (Or maybe I watch too many BBC period dramas).
But it's not a laughing matter, could increase depression for the OP. Maybe a good councellor to discuss next steps?
Unite, do you know what's causing these difficulties? And, how were things before he got ill?
I also miss the kind words, affectionate hugs, the smiles.
don’t know which I miss more.
You say in your profile that your hubby suffers from depression, among other things. Does he also have an anxiety disorder? They often go hand-in-hand. My daughter suffers from anxiety/depression. When she is having an attack, she often doesn't want to be touched, held, hugged, etc. It's almost like she curls up into herself as a defense response. She was much more like that before she was on medication, which, while not perfect, has made a world of difference for her!
Is your husband on medication for the depression? If not, that's the first place I would start with a doctor. Depression can be such a driving factor in every aspect of someone's life, affecting your physical health as well as mental health. And if he is on medication, and it's one of the side effects, there might be help for that, too. Talk to his doctor about all of this. At this point, you really have nothing to lose, as you said you're very young to be looking at a life without physical affection...
Good luck!
If you really need more from a relationship now then it may be time to get out of this relationship. If your husband were NOT ill, you would not hesitate, if I am right. You describe someone who is not only unable to give SEX, which wouldn't be unusual, but who honestly has no cuddling nor any affection. That makes you an unpaid caregiver.
He is only 60 which makes me ask how young you are. Let me assume you are his same age. You want affection. Are you to be expected to live 2 decades without it.
We all have differing needs. Many are satisfied to be good "companions" and a support to one another. And many are NOT willing to give up a normal life.
Perhaps you are looking at a placement situation, even a divorce. Or are looking at placement and then having really your own life, joining clubs you may enjoy, whatever, where you will share affection.
I think you will have to handle this your way and would support any way you choose.
I, too, have a brother/sister relationship with my DH. 7 years. I'm sad and lonely for affection, even just hand holding would be nice. He's in too much pain all the time for anything...I also suspect impotence, but he will not talk about it. I broached the subject once and he blew up.