She is finally more stable and seems content. He is 92 years old and has insisted on being her primary caretaker until just lately. Both of them are doing well, but he feels guilty and lost without her. Seeing her feeling better makes him wish to bring her home for a short while. I think it would be very confusing for her and disrupt her progress. Thoughts?
He may or may not realize how counterproductive it would be to have her leave her present “home” but perhaps you owe it to him to give give him that explanation.
Also, if you attempt to take her out for an extended time, the Assisted Living may have restrictions on overnight visits, in the best interests of the residents.
Of course, if finances are not an issue and the Mom's facility has an AL section, is it possible that Dad might like to move there so that he could be closer to Mom and they could have meals together and share some activities? Just a thought
We tried this with husband’s grandma, simple lunch outings. But when we’d bring her back, she’d be so disoriented. She thought we were out of town or that we were moving away, and got upset thinking we were leaving her forever … we couldn’t convince her otherwise. Couldn’t remember where the bathroom was.
It’s not worth it!
If Mom needs MC, then she also needs the structure of the routine that MC gives.
Back with Dad, there would be no such structure.
Why put Mom through the possibility of anxiety caused by such a visit?
Does Dad need transportation to Mom? Would he use an UBER? A taxi? Municipal transport?
Would he have the funds to move into the AL portion of the building, if there is one?
I think it would disrupt her 'new norm' tremendously and cause more issues down the road.
A better choice would be to arrange for dad to see mom more often. Is her 'home' amenable to long visits from family/spouses? A man in my neighborhood had to move his wife to a NH close to him. He spent most of everyday there with her.
It actually was helpful, as by the time she passed, he was accustomed to being alone. She never came home once she was in the MC facility. The directors would have let him take her, of course, but they felt she'd do better in ONE location and that proved true.
The father at his age is from the generation where a man takes care of his wife and family and if they don't they see themselves as a failure and have tremendous guilt.
I can't tell you how many elderly clients I've worked for where the husband was the one reluctant to even allow hired caregiving a few hours a day for the wife because they believe that all of it is supposed to be their responsibility. No one can handle all of it alone.
The father is lonely and feels guilty about not being able to provide the care his wife needs. He's not alone among men of his generation.
Maybe the LTC will let him stay with her overnights. Maybe the can suggest a support group where he can talk with other people going through the same thing. The LTC would have information on this.
Surely Dad wouldn't want to do that to her.