Is it better for her to go into care? She has always said she wants to die at home, she has cancer. I also have lots of medical issues, but i do have to move either way, im fed up with moving, if i move in with my mother i could pay rent, and when she passes, make an agrement to still pay rent which will go to siblings
It is honorable of you to want to care for your mom and try to honor her wishes. I am so sorry to hear about her diagnosis. But given her age and medical needs and your own medical issues, I think a nursing home would be a better option. Maybe consider talking to a social worker to fully discuss all your options.
With your own medical issues I would not do it myself. It is an exhausting task and one person would need to be healthy in order to provide the necessary care, mentally and physically.
-How long does your mother have to live?
-What needs does she have, and are you able to take care of those needs, given your own health limitations?
-What is she like personality-wise, and what is your relationship like? Are you close enough, and do you love her enough, to provide the kinds of care she is likely to need, patiently and willingly?
-What kinds of relationships do you and she have with your siblings? If you need help with her care (for example you get sick and need one of them to take over for a few days), will they do that or will they all assume that, since you're living there, it's all on you and nobody else should have to lift a finger?
-Do you have other sources of support to help you deal with the issues that will undoubtedly arise and to help you make decisions about Mom's care? (Yes, we're here for you, but a close friend or sibling who can actually come over and sit with you can be a lifesaver.)
Living with an elderly parent can be stressful and difficult under the best of circumstances, let alone when the parent is terminally ill. Please think through all the angles before you commit.
I know she wants to die at home, but that may not be realistic. She may really need to be in a nursing home.
I don't know what your medical issues are but tending to her might make your issues worse which would take away from you ability to care for her and in the end possibly mean her outliving you which does happen to about 30-40% of caregivers.
The first case was a man with pancreatic cancer - the staff warned the family that this was a very bad idea because of pain management, but they insisted. He suffered terribly, as did his family, and he had to return to the hospital.
The second case was a neighbor whose family worked with hospice. He returned home for a few hours before his death and that meant a lot. However, pain could be managed OK and hospice nurse was there. So I think it depends on what medical advice you receive, and also how much support you have realistically.