For past several years mom has had obsession with sweepstakes, to point she was sending almost all pension to these organizations. Once I became aware I was able to curve the financial giveaway, but still heavy obsession with winning remained, and what little money mom was able to send she continued to do.
Mom has since been moved to a board/care facility, and I’m handling her mail. I have not forwarded any of the sweepstake mail to her and she’s going nuts demanding this mail. She convinced her big pay day is right around the corner. She’s been caught up in scams asking for her bank information, and mailings saying chances are better if contributes to certain charities.
There has been nothing I have been able to say to convince her to let this go. Mom has dementia and is very stubborn. I need advice how to get through this with her.
Good luck.
My Mom would agonize for hours over all the junk mail charities trinkets and trash. The phone scams were the worst. I was able to shut a couple down just in the nick of time.
With your mom you might try bringing her the junk mail, let her muck around with it, fill out some forms etc, and go through the motions of mailing for her. Then off to recycle ya go. I used to have mom’s fav grandson visit her and sneak out most of the junk mail. In dealing with dementia you have to be sly and do what has to be done.
She actually practices her speech for TV appearance for when she wins and is constantly going through wardrobe for just right outfit to wear. She’s in deep!
On second thought, that’s maybe too much. I’m all for fibbing but may not be good to have dementia theater.
Confiscate her mail!
Isn’t it a shame these shenanigans are legal? They prey on the vulnerability of others. So sad.
Guess bingo won’t substitute for it, huh? All old folks places have bingo, right.
I just don’t know what to do
Can you tell her that she is no longer on their mailing list? Trying to think of something.
Would she know if it would be something that you typed up? Just to occupy her with something.
Does she have any friends to keep her company?
My friend was hooked on this & her executor couldn't get them to stop after she died so we started taking the ones with overseas return addresses & writing across 'unsolisted material return to sender' & they finally stop 6 months after she died
Unfortunately they all think they’re going to win. Best of luck!
Meanwhile, you need to fence off her finances to pay her bills or put them on autopay.
Gambling gives her a sense of excitement, an adrenaline rush, that makes her feel more alive. Try asking her care facility if they have game nights that mom can participate in.
I now have POA over moms finances. She’s not interested in lottery or gambling per se. She thinks Publisher Clearinghouse prize patrol will be pulling up to her door any minute now. Can’t convince her otherwise, been called pretty nasty words when I tried.
I would carry on for her own well-being as you have been. I would keep a log so you know whom you have contacted and communicate with any of these places asking to have her name removed (or if you have to act like you ARE her. It is weird to intervene in another persons situation, but in our case, we use a PO Box because mom intercepts the mail or can throw it out or rip it up. Somehow the charities they were suckers to have found them even there and I continue to send things back. In fact, the PO told me I can write "return to sender" and I just put it back in the mail box. Some of these places are despicable and send something weekly.
Hopefully she'll drop it. My mom has been perturbed for instance when she was locked out of the laundry room, but she gave it up. And she still gets a few magazines at the house and never asks or wonders about the bills and other mail...
IF your mother has no way to mail them out (and hopefully no phone to make/take calls), I would give them to her. Let her fill them out and either give them to you to mail into the circular file OR as someone else suggested, have a special box for outgoing mail (which obviously won't be going anywhere!) You CAN actually buy phony checks (made for kids) - you could give her those with the sweepstakes junk mail, to keep her happy and occupied! Just be sure the care-givers are on board and can keep up the charade.
If that isn't a viable option, the best you can do is tune it out. Change the subject if possible. Tell her you'll bring them in next time, or that none came in the mail...
Once fixated on something, it is hard to get around it. It may take a while before she loses that (mom harped at my YB for 9 months about going back to her condo, then fixated on her previous home AND her mother!) Thankfully she was never one to do those sweepstakes or gambling. The few donations she made in the past? They have FOLLOWED her to my PO box (when I took over, I had her mail/bills forwarded to my box.) I get so much crap in the mail in her name! The condo was unoccupied for quite some time and the junk phone calls/messages!!! Once you are on ONE mailing/calling list, you are on ALL mailing/calling lists and they will follow you to hell!! She's been in MC for over 2.5 years, no mail, no phone and I took over finances well before that, so they get nothing, yet they still continue to send this crap. I love the ones saying her car warranty is expiring and she needs to contact them to buy extended - we sold that car in 2015 if not 2014!! Funny too that no make/model/year is listed. Clearly it is a scam.
I just came from post office picking up her mail, it’s full of this stuff. What to do!