My mom is 67 and has reached the point she can no longer go to the bathroom anymore, she can't stand up, she just got out of the hospital then to make matters even worse she tested positive for COVID-19 and she's at home with me. I'm vaccinated but if I get COVID-19 I'm going to be stressed and depressed even further...
I have little money no money for sending her to a home today the doctor told me that if I want to send her to a state controlled nursing home they would garnish all her assets, take all her stuff, and seize all her money wish I desperately need to survive, in order to pay for the nursing home.
I would be homeless, injured from the military with no job, I'm on food stamps, and yeah, need help please
Further, he got all appreciative when it came to advice about how he COULD stay in the house if she wasn't. And since then the focus has been on a disability claim that he's already indicated he's been denied for.
The focus should be OP's mom.
If the mom realistically cannot live at home, liquidation or rental of the property is going to provide more private-pay options that in turn result in prioritized Medicaid later. That is what is in her best interests, as opposed to going wherever so that son can have her house to himself and only THEN get a job to maintain what's a free house for the duration.
Seems a total use by him of his mother and government loopholes.
If you are military injured, you should be receiving some kind of disability payment for yourself. And being injured does not mean you cannot find some sort of gainful employment. You are going to have to come up with enough income to pay the household bills - talk to your Workforce commission in your state/town and also talk with VA to see if there is any training available to get you back into work. You need income whether you live in mom's house or end up elsewhere.
Wishing you the best Do know that if your Mother has to go into a Nursing Home on Medicaid they will not take her home from her during her lifetime. What occurs after that is another story, but yes, all of her assets would go to her care.
I think basically what you need, whether you get this info from your own or your Mom's doctor is Social Services help to see what you can access in terms of help that you are not already receiving.
Businesses are begging for employees, so you can find something to do with your ability.
I can't even begin to imagine why you aren't considered disabled if you were in the military and got permanently disabled, my nieces husband took a fall on purpose (useless pos) now he gets 3,500.00 monthly, gratis taxpayers.
I guess you are going to have to step up and take care of your mom or face the alternative.
You will feel better being productive.
If he's not working due to another service-related condition--let's just say ptsd-- perhaps he can be evaluated by the VA for disability for that.
If OP has never handled an immobile person who needs transferring or toileting then he and she need immediate help. Agencies are usually faster. OP can observe how an experienced professional handles those issues versus trying it for the first time on his own or developing bad habits.
The idea is to gift things you don’t want. People have gifted everything from a spiral cut ham and Costco desserts to clothes to furniture to a large piece of stained glass. They’ve lent space heaters to someone whose power went out.
All free. It might be a way to add a cheery moment or put food on your table.
The only catch is that it’s porch pickup and therefore localized by zip code, so you need to see if it’s in your neighborhood.
2 - Help your mom apply for all the assistance - federal, state and local - that she qualifies for.
3 - If your mom is in a hospital, talk to social services and/or case management for assistance with placing your mom into long term care.
I can understand how terrifying it must be to learn that what you considered “yours” may legally be only “hers”, but in your panic, you may be reacting to “facts not in evidence.
Take a deep breath, put a piece of paper and a pencil on the table, and start making a list of potential “experts” who can offer you counseling and support for yourself, as well as recommendations for the best care possible available to your mother.
Unless your mother's wildly devoted to “the doctor” and willing to comply with “the doctor” in terms of her medical advice, I’d put “the doctor” REALLY LOW on your list of helpful experts, or maybe skip “the doctor” altogether.
SO- local Salvation Army? Local community welfare board? Local House of Worship? Local office of Legal Aid?
On a second sheet of paper write down facts about what your mother owns solely in HER NAME, any property you and she hold jointly, and any resources, if there are any AT ALL, that are solely yours.
When you are contacting an “expert”, avoid comments that reflect your desperate dependence on your mother’s finances. They do not further your position, and they DO portray you as being self serving.
If you get yourself connected to a compassionate and objective source of help, be open to potential solutions, even if they don’t seem “perfect”.
Get to work. Your situation is very difficult and it is very troubling for you, but you will feel better when you get some FACTUAL ADVICE under your belt.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
2. You need to apply for VA benefits
3. Get your mom's Medicaid application started immediately. Call your county social services department or the department on aging and ask for their help in getting mom placed.
4. Find a new doctor for mom.
As for needing yoru mother's income and becoming homeless if she was placed, there's not a lot you can do about that. If she's low-income she may qualify for some paid hours of aide help in at home. If you place her in facility care, they will take her income and assets. That's how our system works.
Her house will have to be listed for sale along with her vehicle (if she has one) and whatever her monthly income is and any money in the bank she has will go towards paying for the nursing home. When it's spent down she goes on Medicaid.
Her personal effects like household furniture, jewelry, appliances in the home, etc... is not considered and these things will not have to be sold for her care.
Pretty much your only choice is put her in a home and find another way to survive or make the best of it continuing to care for her. You might be able to get some help with it. Call your state's Department of Social Services and talk to someone.
Assuming the mother's mind is still ok, I'd counsel her to bring in aides for herself, if only to demonstrate techniques for lifting, toileting, diaper changes and so forth. As that becomes clearer, son can spend that paid time from her looking for work (he is not disabled) and getting himself in a place where he could live by himself independently. It's only at this point that the conflict will be removed, said conflict being that he's a 30-something completely dependent on Mom with no idea how to help her.
Medicaid in my State takes about 90 days. With my Mom I applied in April. Mom had 20k so I placed her in LTC May 1st. This gave me time to get all the info together that Medicaid needed and to spend her down which the 20k helped. She paid May and June. June I confirmed the caseworker had everything he needed and Medicaid started July 1st.
Yes once on Medicaid, Moms Social Security and any pension will need to go toward her care. This has nothing to do with being state run. Any LTC facility allowing Medicaid will require her SS and any pension. Her assets will need to be spent down to the asset cap for your state. Any insurance policies with cash in value need to be cashed in. They can be used, as can any money she has, to prepay her funeral. There are some retirement accts that are exempt. As is her house and one car. The problem with the house is there will be no money for the bills and upkeep. So you may have to sell it at Market Price and the proceeds used for her care.
I suggest you call your Office of Aging to see what kind of help you can get. I know this all sounds overwhelming but not so much when you take one thing at a time. If you feel you need a lawyer, you can use Moms money.
If she does qualify, she will go into a facility that has a bed for her, hoping there aren't too many waiting lists. Medicaid is run by each state, so specific rules will vary base on where she lives. All but about $200-ish of her social security will go towards her LTC (that's how much it is in my state). Medicaid will put a lien on the house that will come up when it goes on sale, they won't "seize" it. They won't "take all her stuff" (they don't care about furniture, jewelry, pots and pans, etc, or her car). They don't "seize all her money" but there is a spend-down of her assets in order for her to qualify.
You can talk to social services about the living arrangement, as it is your legal residence, to find out what the state policy is on that. You have horrible-ized this situation in your mind and it's not that bad -- and it's your ONLY solution. You need to get your mom situated so that you can spend your energies helping yourself. FYI if she wants and needs help she can assign you as her PoA, but you will need to download the paperwork for her state and have it signed and notarized per her state's rules. Without this the county will likely need to become her legal guardian once she cognitively can no longer sign such paperwork.
Please talk to social services so that you get accurate information and can stop panicking over it. I wish you peace in your heart!
Unless you are wearing N95 mask & your infection control knowledge is medical level, you do have high risk of catching it but as vaccinated hopefully v mildly or no symptoms.
Get Mom safe.
Then find professionals (in person) to help you both. Hospital Social Worker is a good start.
I've known of several men in your position, under or unemployed, who stay with an elder as they see it as their "only option" for their survival.
One died at 55.
One went homeless after the sibs stepped in and removed Mom.
The most "successful" one did get inheritance, but by then he had been an addict for decades.
I do not think you should do this. Rather, you should direct the hospital the next time she gets admitted--and she will--to look for an appropriate rehab. Medicare will pay for at least 21 days for this. And if they can't do anything, then the ethical thing to do is to arrange for LTC before these scenarios happen to you.
Contact your case worker.
Talk to them be honest about your situation. Or contact an elder law attorney. They will often provide you with a free consult.
Doctors normally know nothing about how payment for nursing home works. If the doc actually said these things, check to see if that is actual reality. Maybe doc was just too lazy to work on a facility for mom to rehab?
1. Are you getting VA assistance? If so, ask your team's social worker about help for your mother, since you're her caregiver.
2. Is your mother, or are you, getting Medicaid?
There are other resources but those 2 suggestions are just for starters.