So I assume from what I have been reading that I know what this is however I am not sure if we can just take MIL and drop her off or if the hospital would even keep her. Today has been a really bad day so far as was yesterday and if we mention calling the ambulance for her she literally freaks out but at this point I am not sure what if any other options we have left. If she has been awake for a total of 10 hours the past 2 days you are lucky and every one just keeps telling us to let her sleep she is 92 and she is tired but it just doesn't feel right. Thanks for listening this forum has been a wealth of information and knowledge.
If not, maybe get her in to see her doctor. At least call her doctor. If they really want to see her, make something up like "the doctor needs to see you for insurance purposes" or something like that.
My friend was so worried that her father was sleeping too much that she called the doctor's office and told the nurse what was happening.
The nurse said to my friend "what do you expect him to do? He's 98 years old!!"
After my mom had an episode that might have been a mini-stroke, she slept a lot, but after a couple of days she came out of it. She has had a few of these episodes, but she does not want to go to the ER. Since she is already taking medicines to prevent stroke, and doesn't want any extraordinary measures, there isn't anything they can do anyway. She had asked to be on hospice for a couple of years, but didn't qualify.
Sooo, with that background, after one episode, when she never really became more oriented, I scheduled a video appointment with her physician, and we discussed hospice. The doctor agreed that she did qualify for hospice, so I set it up.
The best thing about hospice is the nurse! My mom gets a weekly visit from the nurse assigned to her. The nurse knows my mom and her conditions. I can ask any question, no matter how dumb, and I get a thoughtful, respectful answer. I can call the hospice company any time, and I can ask my mom's nurse to call me when she is on duty. The nurse and I have good discussions about the pros and cons of different treatments and strategies and how they fit with my mom's wishes, so I can make balanced, informed decisions. The hospice doctor has visited a couple of times, and the nurse keeps him updated on my mom's condition.
My mom has been receiving hospice care for 5 months now, and I feel really comfortable that she is receiving the best care for her time of life. (p.s. we didn't give up on her, and didn't stop any medication or care in order to make her die faster, as a matter of fact, with 24-hr access to hospice, we are more able to react quickly to changes in my mom's condition.)
You say you "just feel it is better she is placed" and as you both agree on that, then yes, it is time to do that.
If one of you has the POA to do this, AND your MIL is diagnosed with dementia, then you can place her. If she is not, and she clearly cannot act in her own interests and behalf you will need to have her assessed. This means ER visit and getting her placed for evaluation in the hospital, and at that time you can, if you don't have the POA, get emergency temporary conservatorship/guardianship throught he Social Worker. Start on day one telling Social Worker that you cannot care for her at home and will not accept discharge home.
If she is both diagnosed at this time, and also someone has POA,then that person can begin gathering assets, account statements, all needed to apply for Medicaid if she has not assets enough for placement, and looking for placement.
Since you say MIL will scream through anything you do that makes it not relevant. Her screaming at EMT people is going to get her placed. When you call ambulance, if you must you will tell them NOT that she sleeps all the time and you can't take care of her, but the more dramatic that she screams and is violent and ill and you don't know what's wrong with her, but she very sick and won't go to the doctor. Tell your MIL that is what you are going to do if she remains uncooperative.
Your mother in law is never going to cooperate in getting this move done. You would do well to wait the 6 months until there is more control over Covid-19 because this is going to be very much more difficult until then.
I would say your story does provide Caution to all who consider moving an elder into their own homes.