My half-sister has always had some excuse to not work and for many years has asked my parents for her monthly bill money and they provide it to avoid having to take her emotional and verbal abuse. Now that I take care of my parents, my husband and I manage their bank account for them, paying their bills, dr appts, groceries etc. The sister still expects her monthly bill money and now harasses and verbally abuses me to get it. NO is not a word she understands or cares about. Is this a situation that an attorney can help me with. I'm at my wits end and this has to end. Who might I go to to help?
If your step-dad has Medicaid then ALL of his money HAS to go towards paying for his care. Any money given to half-sister will be considered a "GIFT" and will count AGAINST your step-dad’s eligibility for Medicaid.
We need more information so that we can give appropriate suggestions regarding your situation.
Which parent do you share? Is money an issue for your parents - that is, can they easily afford the money they have been giving her, and it is certain that they will continue to be able to? Is the parent who is her parent mentally competent or not?
If the parent remains competent, paying this money to your half-sister is still that parent's decision. You can strongly recommend that the payments cease, you can warn of the potential pitfalls, you can protest, you can to an extent protect them from her by raising the issue of elder abuse and warning her that it will not be tolerated. But in the end you can't just say no if the parent is saying yes.
If your parents are no longer able to understand and manage financial decisions, and if you are also responsible for managing their money so as to ensure their financial security, and you have Power of Attorney, then you can end your sister's demands by not giving her any money. The harassment and verbal abuse you can deal with as you would any other harassment and verbal abuse, by recording and reporting incidents to the relevant authorities. You can involve an attorney if you can't see your local police being very helpful, but I'd be careful. If it aggravates the situation instead of curing it, it could all get terribly expensive and even more stressful.
When you say your half-sister "has always had some excuse" - would we agree that she is making excuses, or does she in fact have significant, material problems that might make a difference to how this situation looks? It could be that tackling this from the other side - supporting her constructively rather than cutting her off from help - would be more productive.
If your parents ever need to qualify for Medicaid, then all these "gifts" to your sister over the preceding five years will have to be repaid before they can qualify.
People who harass me find it's not worth it. I block their number on my phone. If they leave a vm I will listen until I hear a whine or angry voice, then I just delete it. If there's something threatening, then I download that vm as future evidence. Ditto with texts and email, although I keep most of these in a folder as future evidence. Show up at my door and I tell you to leave. If you don't leave when requested I call the sheriff's office to help you leave; after the second or third time they arrive to help the same person leave, the deputies start charging them with trespass. When I have enough evidence, I go to court for a restraining or protective order. When the person violates the court order, I document and take them back to court so they can deal with the judge for contempt of court. In my county is easier to spend a night in jail for contempt of court than selling drugs or stealing.
I strongly believe in rewarding the behavior you want to see repeated. So a polite text message will get a polite response. Harassing messages are ignored.
A piece of paper will not keep you safe. It can discourage an harasser if you show you will always follow through because the cops and courts can do unpleasant things to them. Security cameras covering your doorway and drive can provide very compelling evidence. It only took my estranged brother a few trips to court (with accompanying fines) and a night in jail to decide to "be nice".
I’m not going to talk about the possible news for Medicaid and spend down as a few posters have mentioned it.
What a lawyer may be able to do is write a letter telling sister to cease the harrassment. That you are noe in control of parents finances and as such she will no longer be getting any help.
However, if money is now an issue because their funds are needed to go to making sure they have whatever services and care that are needed for them at this point in time, then this would be a good time to have a discussion with your half-sister to say that even if your parents could manage their money, they would no longer be able to afford to help her because their own needs must come first.
Do you currently have legal authority to manage his assets?
Have you secured representative payee status with SS in order to legally manage his check?
Does he still drive? Does she have access to him?
You may need to file for guardianship in order to protect him and secure your legal status to make decisions for him.
Come back and let us know what you find out. We learn from one another.
In the case of my sister, my son called and says if he doesn’t get this amount of money he is going back to jail. If you don’t help me get money for bus fare, he is going to lose his job. If you don’t help me pay my one bill contribution to the household (cable TV) we going to lose service until next payday. If you don’t sell some cattle your other child is going to lose his vehicle. They say they coming to get it Friday.
So in other words, I don’t know if this problem will ever be contained let alone eliminated. In my case, even if you put some cash in your parents’ hands, I can assure you, once you turn your back, they will have it and you’ll be hurt because your goal was to protect and they (your parents) are not helping.
I am am thinking this is what has happened with your parents and now to you. She escalates the threats and violence until she gets her money. You should be prepared for escalation and should get legal advice. You cannot change her. And you are right no is not I word she understands she will just find another way. You should prepare for harder days to come.
My SIL was really unhappy when she found out that her father, to whom she yelled at and was given money for years, cut her out of the will except for a smaller cash portion. As he said, she'd already gotten her inheritance! If they are capable, allowing them to change the will to reflect her portion being paid out in advance might be a good idea and have them state that reasoning in the will as well.