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Me and my brother have been taking care of his girlfriend for the past 8 years since she had a Traumatic BRAIN INJURY. We are both in our early 70's and it has become increasingly difficult to care for her. What if family nearby refuses to take her back? What are our options and who would be good person or govt agency to contact. Are we obligated to care for her after all this time?

Thank you all for the wonderful advice . She is 65 and collecting SS BUT we have not taken any money from her monthly check because we don't need it. WE have no POA FOR HER and AS FAR as i know neither does her family. WORKING with her neurologist to control her behavior. Seems the eventual path will be APS IF family does not help out .. ONCE AGAIN THABKS TO ALL. !!!!!!!
DON
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Reply to donbow
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Do either of you have Financial and Medical POA. Does someone in her family have POAs or even guardianship. If you hold Financial POA, you can have her placed. Family does not even have to bevinvolved. If she has no money, Medicaid will pay for her care in a Long-term care facility. Her Social Security and any pension will go towards her care. If no POA and no help from family, you may want to call APS and ask for their help.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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No you are not obligated to care for her.
However, you cannot leave a person at risk.
Call APS to discuss.
Let family know this is your intention so they can intervene for her care should they wish to.
Hopefully neither of you is being paid for her care or are her POA.
She may need guardianship of the state if family doesn't care to step in and care for her in a safe manner. APS can assist with that.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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You are not obligated to care for her unless you have legal agreements / responsibilities. And, even so, if your health is being compromised and you are unable to continue on as you have been for eight years, you can and need to make other arrangements.

Her family 'should be' legally responsible for her welfare if she is unable to care for herself. Although I do not know the specific circumstances.

If you / your brother took legal responsibility for her welfare, then you need to know what your legal responsibilities are if you feel unable to care for her now and moving into the future. There will come a time when you are unable, physically-mentally, to care for her.

If her family 'refuses' to take her back, that is their decision - I presume they are responsible for her (I do not know the legalities involved).

I question who has been paying for her needs? medical, housing, food, etc.?

Contact City Hall and speak to someone in the Senior Services Dept.
Talk to her family and tell them what you need / want to do - what your intentions are.

Take care of yourself. As you age / decline, you not only want some enjoyment in your life, free of this responsibility, plus you need to take care of yoruselves for your own well being.

While Adult Protective Services may not be needed, they might be able to guide you on what agency / agencies to contact 'IF' the girfrend's family doesn't step up and take responsibility for her care / well being. You haven't said they aren't- it seems like you haven't spoken to them yet. I would encourage you to do this as a first step.

And I presume that the girlfriend has been living with you/r brother?
Are you wanting / needing her to move out of your home?
You need to speak to her family ASAP. And, if you haven't already, I question why not -

Ascertain what legal responsibilities you took on, if any.
I'm sure you'll get some good feedback / support here.

Gena / Touch Matters
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Reply to TouchMatters
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No, in no way are you obligated to provide hands-on care for her. Is she 65 yet?

Her doctor should assess her for LTC. If she qualifies then your brother can help her apply for Medicaid. He can visit her in a facility all he wants without burning you and himself out.

You can also talk to social services about what her options are (Section 8 housing, county-funded services).
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Reply to Geaton777
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You have no obligation to ‘care’ for her (or anyone else), but if she is living in the house you own or rent it may not be easy to get her to leave. It is ‘straightforward’ to serve an eviction notice to leave, usually on a month’s notice, but the chances are that you and B don’t want just to throw her out.

You should talk to GF about the situation and ask what she suggests (that’s if the brain injury permits). Then to her family, definitely before you go to APS. If her family haven’t cared for her for the last 8 years, and her condition is deteriorating, the chances are that they won’t want to take her on, but you must ask. It is most unlikely that anyone will come in and solve this problem for you, so you need to start some research.

This site has a lot of information about alternative care options for seniors. You don’t give her age, or any financial information, so it’s hard to point you in the right direction. Get yourself more up to speed with the options by clicking on ‘resources’ on the top of the screen and then A for Assisted Living, N for Nursing Homes, S for Senior Housing, M for Medicaid, P for Power of Attorney etc.

Come back when you know more about what to ask!
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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You should talk to family first and they should decide if relationship and caregiving is not working.
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Reply to Evamar
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TouchMatters Nov 14, 2024
Not working. It's been eight years !
They are in their 70s and tired.
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Tough situation. You definitely are not obligated to continue hands-on caregiving for your brother’s girlfriend — although I would say you both have a responsibility to make sure she is safe and cared for, as she is presumably a vulnerable person without the ability to fully advocate for herself and figure out and implement a new situation.

How old is she? Is she on disability? Does she have doctors, therapists, case workers of any kind that you could approach for help? Where is she living and what sort of housing is it? And do either she or your brother still consider themselves a couple?
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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TouchMatters Nov 14, 2024
Really good questions. Thank you.
If the family doesn't step up, the GF may need to go into a nursing home.
It isn't this writer's responsibility (nor her brother) to 'make sure she is safe and cared for,' although they need to find out who needs to take responsibility. They need to do their research, ascertain legal responsibilities, if any, and do what they can. However, it sounds to me based on the information presented that they do not have any obligations - and need to do what is in their best interest - being in their 70s. And extending themselves as they have been for eight years.
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