Does anyone else find themselves watching/living your LOs decline and think, "I'm going to start hoarding pills!" "I hope I get hit by a bus." "I hope someone will smother me with a pillow". I just don't want to suffer in decline. Incontinence. Others making all my decisions. I don't want my children to have to deal with 'that' me. It's so hard. I get so frustrated and angry and feel like my 'empty nest' has been stolen from my hubby and me. I do not want my own children to feel that way. It's crushing.
Now is time to get myself all set up. I'm an only child and have no immediately family that I can turn to, so I have talked with a dear friend and she has agreed to be my POA and carry out my wishes when the time comes. I plan on spending everything and living what time I do have. Retirement and SS will be enough to take care of NH should I need it, so I don't have to burden the medicaid system.
I know I should lose weight but it's been hard keeping myself on schedule when I'm worried about my parents and my own mortality. As I remodel or make improvements to my home, I'm fully aware of setting it up for my older life style coming. I have been very independent all my life so being alone is not scary to me. I think if things take a nasty turn health wise, I'll look into other states that recognize end of life dignity. I hope to travel some when I can. But now is my time to make my parents feel loved and know that they raise a caring and loving son. My blessings to all caregivers
And oh yes, trust in the Good Lord.
Of course, we're all different but this has worked for me.
Take a break in any way you can. Hire additional help or respite care. Find a local therapist that you can talk/vent to in order to help give you some mental distance.
I think anxieties of this type can be indicative of caregiver burn out. Perhaps reading some articles about this may help you.
A lot of diseases are simply malnutrition and lack of exercise.
Please don't slam me - I do understand that there are some truly terrifying diseases out there - but by taking care of yourself, at least you then also give yourself a better chance of not suffering the same situations you are afraid of.
I don't believe in "Clean Eating" per se, but I do believe in 'cleaner eating' and trying to avoid as many chemicals as possible. I believe we do need to eat more "freggies" (fruits & vegetables) and drink more water.
Praying also comes to mind - but I think I'll pass on that getting hit by a truck. :)
However, my husband is wheelchair bound and unable to care for himself. I want to downsize so no house and yard to manage on own but this isn't the time (yet). This scares me (I am 74, my husband is 78 -- I am in good health and would be more active but being a full time caregiver is a life sucker) as I don't want to have all of this to take care of in years to come and don't want to put the burden of my frailty on my sons if things don't change in the near future. Actually, I don't want all of this to take care of NOW -- it is overwhelming, but I can't quite get to good resolution at the moment. No solutions -- just thoughts.
Yes I think about it ... and in a way planned how not for it to happen, of following in my Ma's footsteps. she is nearly 95 but hasnt been fully aware of surrounding life for the past 10yrs. Blocked by a dominating husband who was able to hide his dementia from most by becoming more obnoxious and dominating.
When he passed, she of course had no one to tell her what to do every 3mins and so crumbled fast
I have told my daughters that they are not to have me with them, but to throw me into a rest home , set up automatic payments and never visit. My Ma is everything she said she never wanted to be" Ga-gaaa in an institution"
I think I do the daily test... Oh gosh I forgot Ive done that, No I havent I forgot it but now remember. .
We have spineless politicians in this country so euthanasia isnt allowed, at this point in time.
I had been wondering if I had mild depression cos of how I think of my future.. and now [heading for 70] am doing the every 2 yrs analysis of whether I stay in my present situation or return to town and live in a little concrete box in a concrete vista, with basic needs and responsibilities. .
My sister said once . It was OK for me I was a nurse I knew how to speed things up at the end.!! My response, go into any supermarket and take 5x of whatever you fancy where it sez something is poisonous or not to overdose on.
No not suicidal but not going to prolong things. I did that when I was mid 40s and landed up for 17yrs with multiple surgeries after one big woopsie surgery. Now I just want my diagnoses, and to hell with treatment.
My family 'dont need me' all adults. and I just wish my Ma's calcified heart and shrunken brain could find the stop button soon for her to be at peace instead of the h*ll she is in.
As for not wanting to be a burden on one's children, nobody wants that to happen, but weren't they a burden on us when they were small? Didn't we care for their needs and nurse them through all kinds of illnesses? That is what families do; they take care of each other. Life is full of tragedy, heartache, and burdens. There is no avoiding it until life is done.
There is no guarantee that one will die when that point is reached. We do not have POLST here, but having researched the ethics for almost a year, my sister and I agreed to this type of decision for my dad over 1.5 years ago based upon our conversations with him when he was still able to understand. He has since had several bouts of colds, pneumonia, and either a DVT or cellulitis with no treatments and virtually unscathed by them. We know that we are no longer throwing every treatment at him to keep him alive to reach a vegetative state with potential feeding tubes, etc., and live there until we are ready to let him go in peace.
Not every state has POLST. For those that do not, there is an addendum that one can add to his/her HC-POA or living will that can be used to more clearly and explicitly outline your wishes. A document called Five-Wishes can help figure out how to write an addendum like this.
Pneumonia was long considered the "old man's friend."
Many will disagree with me, and that's okay; I used to disagree with me, and I do not condemn anyone's decision except those of suicide or murder. Over the last 3 years, I have watched many people in our nursing home in a vegetative state be treated over and over again to keep them alive. When one antibiotic meets resistance, they try another and another, a setup for increasingly resistant bacteria.
Grace + Peace,
Bob
This is for golden23 Well, good for you....80 and still independent and not worried about how you will be taken care of when you need to be taken care of. Takes a lot of confidence and money to handle that aspect of ageing. I wish you luck. Luck seems to have become your best buddy so far. Well, good for you.
First I'm having conversations with my adult children --they dismiss it because they can't see into the future, but it doesn't stop me from having the conversations that I don't want them to care for me, place me if they have to, etc.
Secondly, I've made sure my documents are current including correcting DPOA etc so that critical errors my parents that crippled me won't hinder them
Thirdly (I'm 60), by the time I'm 70, I likely will add one of them to my checking account and sign a bank POA. Yes, believe it or not your bank has its own POA!! Ridiculous but true.
Lastly, I have a friend who's daughter is like a sister to my sons...she's watched me walk this crazy walk with my mother and I've asked her to step in and help my sons make the right decision for me so they don't feel guilty and wear themselves out when I fight to stay in my home when I should be in care or have assistance in my home.
Lastly, I'm planning on being part of the solution. There has got to be a better and more sustainable way to care for elders in coming years. NJ or NY have Village Communities where they pair elders with neighbors, etc so that everyone looks out for each other vs looking the other way.
How bout it folks?!