Mom lives alone and has moderate dementia. I live one street over. I work full time and have someone to come three hours a day for companionship, to feed her lunch and do some light cleaning. I am there three to four times a day. She is able to use her walker to get around and her house ect. I take care of meals, showers, bills and everything else she may need. She also has a cat that she loves. Whenever I talk about assisted living she gets upset. I feel guilty when she is left alone and worry We do have a nanny cam also. Should I make her go to assisted living ? I do admit that I don’t stay long on my visits because I’m tired when I get home from work. I also took care of my dad for 4 years before he died. He had Parkinson’s. I am somewhat burned out but manage to keep going on. Is it ok what I’m doing?
They will usually let you keep your cat in AL as long as you can care for it.
But it's the behaviours which are the problem, rather than the dementia label. If your mother's dementia isn't causing her to do much except slow down and sit tight in her chair; and she's frequently checked in on (and in her case, monitored); and there are no signs of any new concerns, then there isn't any rush when it comes to moving her from her home.
Does your mother wear a falls alarm? Are there smoke alarms in the house? Is there an emergency procedure - e.g. say you spot a problem on the monitor, who do you call, who can get there fast?
Now that I said all that, my short answer to your question is it varies from person to person and what stage your loved one is in. That is a decision only you, your family and his/her doctor will have to make. I would say for sure if your loved one exhibits any anxiety or fears then they should not be left alone. Someone like that would be prone to trying to get away. Also, it just isn't kind to allow them to sit in fear all day. My mom would get so scared she would get sick to her stomach. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Dementia cannot be predicted and everyone's path is different. There is no way to know how fast it will progress. The bottom line is your loved one's safety and you have a responsibility to make sure of that safety. My mom will be home with me as long as I can make sure she is safe. If there ever comes a time that I cannot do that, I will be forced to place her in a facility that can see to her safety. I am praying that will never happen, but there are no certainties with dementia.
You don't have to "stay long", primary objective: safety
Don't let your guilt feelings about not "visiting her" cloud your judgement.
We kept my mom and her cat going in her home. Lived 5 minutes away, went there everyday in the a.m. for her morning rise & shine, paid companionship twice a week for four hours, meals on wheels delivered, rollator to walk, showered her once a week, dressed & taken to our house on Sunday. All supervised with motion detectors on the doors and windows and two nanny cams (living room & kitchen). For six years. When she needed daily personal care (bathroom & anxiety issues) we found placement in a memory unit 1/2 block from her house and I still a,m. visit to check supplies and staff. When she is sleeping in her room or eating in the dining area, I don't disturb her.
Pay for 8 hour coverage and take a mini vaca whenever you can. Use the cams to keep and eye on what is going on at home. Immediately explore & develop interests outside of caregiving in the daily limited time you have available.
She was at the the point where she couldn’t get out of the house on her own if there was an emergency & I don’t think she even would have been able to dial 911.