My mom has often imagined events and conversations that never happened. Yesterday I took her to the dentist. She hadn't been in a couple years because of Covid. We were there for hours between filling out paperwork, x-rays and cleanings. When we came home, she thanked me for taking her to get her hair cut. I told her that she did not get her hair cut but went to the dentist. She said, "Well they cut my hair in the back a little too." I asked why a dentist would do that and she said to keep it out of her face when working on her teeth. I told her that didn't happen but she insisted it did. She also is positive that some neighbor in the independent living complex moved some things around on her porch because they thought she was stuck up. My mom is so down to earth that I know this is something she imagined. Other than these occasional imaginings and some short term memory loss, she's quite functional. Anybody experience this kind of Dementia w/a loved one? I worry how bad it could get.
These imaginings are becoming more frequent and I can't talk her out of them. I suppose I should stop trying but they are usually negative (except for the nice haircut the dentist gave her) and I don't want her to think them.
By the way, she has never been officially diagnosed with Dementia. She's a very active 102 year old who uses the computer every day.
The most common problem is when it is time for her to go to bed at night, she refuses because she insists that her mother is coming to pick her up (who would be 120 now if she was still living). If you tell her her mother is not living then she says well then it is her father is coming (who would be 121). If you tell her he is not living she will say well then it is her step-mother (which she never had). If you tell her she never had a step-mother, she well say well then it's "somebody."
She believes that she is just visiting the house and does not live here (she has lived here for 67 years). Sometimes she starts packing things to get ready to go. And remember it is time to go to sleep.
It is not possible to talk her out of it. But the problem is that she will wait up all night if I don't deal with it so I cannot let that happen. It is a source of stress for me just before bedtime every night as I never know how bad it will be that night.
It often happens in cycles of several weeks then subsides for days to a week or two. I have been dealing with it for many years. She is 92. It takes a toll on me because I cannot rest until she is sleeping and that means I get no sleep either.
She was diagnosed with dementia some years ago. I have gotten pretty good at handling it most of the time, but there is a certain finesse required that is hard to explain and not necessarily transferrable to another case. I have known the woman for 67 years, so I think I have a certain insight that helps.
It is mostly under control now, although some nights are worse than others and some rare nights are a living hell.
It's hard to say if it is getting "worse" because she has had this and another delusion that our dog is still living and she needs to let him in the house for about 8 years now. It goes in cycles and isn't necessarily getting worse.
I've been taking care of both of my parents for about 13 years now... my Dad died at 97 three years ago. I think I am past PTSD at whatever the next level is. But I am in this until the end no matter what. I've made it my mission.
I compare it to raising kids only worse for at least these reasons:
1. No matter how good a job you do you know it isn't going to end well.
2. Instead of getting more independent as the years go by like kids do, your parents get less independent as you age yourself and become less able to deal with it. This equation moves in the wrong direction.
3. You are not in your 20s and 30s like when you raised your kids. I am 67. My back hurts! :)
This is a logical observation rather than experiential since I have no kids of my own. If I did have them I doubt I would be doing this as I would prioritize my kids and my own family.
I want my tombstone to read that I faced the challenge and met it. I'll be satisfied with that.
you’re an incredible person :).
warm, kind, funny, sweet.
i wish everything good for you. please make sure you live your life to the fullest.
hug!!
Between the start March 2020 and April 2021, she went downhill fast. Going from reading books in 2 different foreign languages to imaging people living in her attic, hitmen coming to kill her, to strangers entering her home in the middle of the night and turning on all the lights, to her entertaining the entire CNN news anchor crew in her living room - and no amount of trying to convince her otherwise worked. On numerous occasions, she had called 911 for police (5 calls in 9 months that I was made aware of), and other times was pounding on the neighbors door at 2am! I tried every way - from trying to logic with her how these could not happen to agreeing with her. No matter which route, both created problem. Logic caused her to call me a liar; agreeing caused her to become even more paranoid and fearful.
I was in the middle of trying to figure out what facility she could move to when she fell, broke her femur, had 2 surgeries, got staph infection and passed away in 2021. I do not know how I would have continued to handle her dementia since I was the only family member. It was so frustrating because I couldn't get through to her to see and understand and no matter which tactic I tried, it didn't work or help.